You know you hear of those parents that have a baby that they just lay in the crib at bedtime and leave the room and the baby happily coos in their crib until they drift off to sleep. Oh come on, you'd think having three babies at least one of mine would be like that. I personally like to think those babies are much like the unicorn, a beautiful creature that doesn't really exist. Now I remind myself that I'm not alone or else there would not be a hundred books for sale, solely on the subject of babies and their sleep.
I hate letting my babies cry themselves to sleep. Every fiber of my sole tells me that their crying is wrong and unnatural. So for my baby, I am going through a bedtime routine which includes, nursing, stories, and singing lullabies until she's just barely asleep. For the last week I've been letting her fall asleep in my arms and then transferring her to bed. It's been going well she stirs slightly when I put her in but goes back into sleepy land quickly. The idea being that eventually I would start putting her into bed sooner and sooner, before she gets into a real slumber.
My baby hasn't been sleeping well through the night (it could be teeth, it's so hard to tell). When she wakes the only way she will go back to sleep is for me to nurse her. Now I only nurse her to sleep occasionally when she is super tired, usually she is still awake for stories. My husband expressed concern that this was quickly becoming at habit for her and that I should leave her to cry.
"But I don't want her to wake the rest of the house" I said
"Don't worry about that." was his response. (HA! Ya, he says this now, wait till 2 am then we'll see how compliant he is!! You forget we've been through this before.)
So, time to try and put her down as soon as she starts to drift off tonight. Her eyes are starting to droop and as soon as they are closed and I finish the song, I pick her up and place her in the crib. She immediately arches up and twists around and starts to wail. My heart goes in my throat, and I quickly leave the room. I'll try, I hate it but I'll try to let her cry a bit (if only to prove my husband wrong). I feel awful, my heart is pounding and every muscle in my body is constricted. I'm short tempered and trying to deal with an upset 3 year old is not going well. I decide I better leave everyone alone while I deal with my emotions. I decide to attack the dishes in order to occupy myself. My 6 year old comes upstairs to brush her teeth and asks why the baby is crying so loud.
"Daddy wants me to let her cry tonight." is all I can mutter.
"Poor baby" she says as she walks past me back downstairs. (another big stab to my heart, feelings of failure attack my sole) As I listen to the wailing I realize that they are now pauses in the crying (thankfully). By the time I finish with the dishes she seems to have settled herself to sleep. I wait for a good 15 minutes before I sneak in to check on her. Everything is good, she still has her soother and she is in a comfortable position. We'll have to wait and see if this has any improvement on her slumber tonight. One thing is certain I cannot and will not be able to go through this in the middle of the night, I haven't the strength.
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